Chapter Three Sequel

It's been over a week now. I got the quote on Friday, and tried to sign up Monday morning last week. But at least there is discernable progress. Where did we leave things last episode? I received a phone call from 3, saying that all I had to do was visit a 3 Shop. They gave me a toll-free (from a landline) number to call, to find out where the nearest 3 shop is. So I stopped off at the local phone booth to make the call. They didn't really know anything about my case, but gave me the address of the Worcester shop. That was Saturday. On Sunday, it was determined that we should be tourists, and Worcester was the designated destination. We chose to go by train for novelty, and because any other means would have been too cheap. Over twelve pounds fare plus 3 pounds car parking saw us travel one stop (8 minutes) from Malvern Link to Worcester. A nice Cathedral service, where the Birmingham University Singers rendered Dvorak in D and a Derring motet quite nicely. The children (Stephanie, Helen, and Joanna) went to "Junior Church" before communion, and seemed to cope. I passed on greetings from St John's and David Thomas (a recent Precentor at Worcester), and received some to take back. But I'm digressing, aren't I. After the service, I found the 3 Shop. The sitation was remarkably similar to the first experience in the Malvern phone shop - credit check declined, even after they debited 50p from my account just to check it out! Honestly, there's nothing that can be done, they assured me - it's impossible. It became apparent to me at this point that a higher being in this country was challenging me with a quest. This was no longer about having internet access; it was, yet again, time to disprove the label "impossible". I called the customer service line (from the 3 shop), and tried to find an empowered person to talk to - one who could provide more than the standard policy. Eventually I struck gold and was put through to the credit checking department. They suggested that all I had to do was write them a letter (and yes, they'd accept email) explaining the situation, and they'd review my case. Great - I'll do that from the library when back in Malvern. Oh, wait. The library's shut on Sunday. The Internet Cafe in Ledbury is shut on Sunday. Oh well, had an interesting time wandering around the Priory - a key Malvern landmark. When I heard the organist practising Howells' Paean, I decided I had to go to Evensong too. That was quite nice - and I was invited to sing with them which I'd like to do sometimes (although it'd be good to try to touch every Cathedral in the country). Yes yes, but what about the Internet? Well ok, it's Monday as I type. This morning, I called in at the library first thing, and wrote a long and detailed letter to credit.checking@three.co.uk, outlining my extensive credit history in Australia, and how they were missing out on a good customer, and that I'd be willing to pay the contract amount or a deposit up front, etc. After lunch, I went to Ledbury to do some blog updating, skyping, checking of work emails etc. And behold, a message back from three! In less than an hour, they had "conducted a full review of my application" and decided to reverse their decision. I had only to go to my phone shop, show them the letter, and pay a 150 pound refundable deposit. Hurrah! At last someone is talking sense! Print out the letter, and take it to the Malvern phone shop for my fifth visit in a week. Craig, the shop keeper, was very amiable. I knew that he had as little power as anyone else, but armed with the letter showing the magic Reference Number, I was prepared for previously insurmountable obstacles to vanish from my path. Craig was showing hints of frustration as his phone call was passed from person to person inside 3, eventually speaking with someone who understood what the reference number was for. It took a lot of cross-checking between the credit checking people and the account opening people to get anywhere, but I sat there happily waiting, because it would all go through. At several stages while he was on hold, he had to suggest to customers that he would be quite a while, and that they might be better off coming back tomorrow! At last he announced that we were through, and they were going to activate my USB modem SIM card. Oh, we have to take the deposit first. Would you like to pay that out of your HSBC account? Sure! He was transferred to the deposits department, where name, rank, serial number, date-of-birth, address, postcode, bank sort code, account number, marital status, and other details were taken again. The 3 person then had to speak to me personally, to confirm that I was aware that this was a refundable deposit, to explain that the refund would be via cheque to the mailing address at the end of 12 months, and to again confirm my name, date-of-birth, address, and postcode. "Pass me back to Craig now please", and Craig is asked to read out all the bank account details. "And the address on the account is the same as the residential address given by the customer?" I shrugged - for all I knew, the bank account's address was my Australian home. But maybe it was all correct, since we'd recently made credit card applications. Oh. The deposit hasn't gone through, and the system explains that the address on the account doesn't match the address I supplied. Ok, I'll give my Australian address. Sorry, can't take that. Ok, well I'll pay by credit card? Is it registered with the current address? No. Sorry. Craig asked 3 whether he could use the store card to pay the deposit, if I were to pay the store by cash. No, sorry. A quick review of all the options seems to be that the address on the bank account has to be changed. Off to the bank. Is my car going to be clamped, or get a parking ticket? Concentrate on the main issue! After waiting for the hyper-friendly bank manager to finish one appointment, I eventually get to see him, and explain that I need to register my current address. "Ah, so you've found a place to live now?" "No, it's still temporary" and we go through the situation again. But he happily makes the changes on his system, for both the residential and correspondence addresses, and in answer to my query, confirms that the change is instantaneous - doesn't take any time to "filter through the system". Back to the phone shop, where it's my turn to wait in a queue. When it's my turn, we magically get to talk to the right person at 3 straight away, and explain the situation briefly. "You've only just changed the address with the bank? It will take 24 hours to register." "Can't you just try it?" "No point." Craig explains it all to me. He convinces the 3-man to try again, but again the payment is declined because of the address. "We have a lot of identity fraud in this country, and it's important to be able to match a person to an address." The only advice is to come back in 24 hours. So, with a deft change of tense, I trudged back to the car, which wasn't clamped or ticketed, and drove back over the Wyche to West Malvern, to the strains of Schubert on BBC Radio 3. That's where we leave this episode of "Chapter Three". I make have a chance to post this tomorrow, since I won't risk the 3 deposit until 24h after the address change. What is in store (apart from a USB modem) for our hero (deftly changing to 3rd person) in the next exciting episode? Will the software fail? Will there be no coverage in West Malvern (like the on-line map indicates)? Will he be arrested for the attempted assassination of Benazir Bhutto, the Great Train Robbery, or even driving while under the influence of a call centre conversation? Stay tuned!

But how misleading this all it - it sounds like the day has been a disaster. Well no it hasn't. That representative of the most worthy profession of Real Estate Agents has informed us that their recommendation to our prospective Moorlands Rd Landlord to reduce the rent Has Been Accepted. There's a small amount of correspondence to check with the High Commission, and we should be right to sign up and move in very soon. That news is at least as good as hearing that my credit check declination (??) had been reversed.

We managed to make an economic recovery of some rather depreciated furniture. Joanna and Berenice had discovered a skip outside a house that is being gutted for renovation, that contained a collection of rather grotty furniture and other rubbish. But that depression-era thrift assured that a bit of spit & polish would see it as good as new, so the prize was carried home. The exercise doubled as an experiment to calibrate the cargo carrying capacity of the Matiz, and an exercise in hill starts with an unusually sensitive clutch. But our net assets have now just been incremented by one office chair, and since the furniture budget for Moorlands Rd will have to be lower than originally thought, this could be a good thing.